Control – Written by Kim Denton Boise Hair Salon Owner/Salon Coach

Struggling with life can be hard for us when it comes to relationships, work, and day-to-day life. It goes without saying that the more we try to control things the more we are out of control. I have helped many clients at my Boise hair salon with this and some with a lot of resistance.

When our emotions are high, our intelligence is low. So when we are hurt, we try to gain control over things that are not going our way, or find a way to manipulate it to go our way. But does this really work out for the good? Many people spin out of control with control. Maybe this is why one of the steps in recovery is to give everything to a higher power and let him/her do the work.

In fact, control is usually based on emotion whether it is fear, guilt or another emotion lying low in our subconscious. (There is that “subconscious” word again – see blog on little voice mastery.) So with all of those thoughts on how we need to gain control again, how do we let go and change these patterns that were taught to us from the beginning?

We let go by identifying the emotion that is behind the control. Seems simple right? Well, I beg to differ but it can be done. It all goes back to the results. If you want to let go of control, you have to be willing to be accountable for your own behavior, mindset, attitude and belief system.

The only thing that you can control is your actions!

My core belief is that most emotions are usually the result of fear or loss that leads us to try and control things. Identifying these emotions is the first step. The second step is to turn it over to a higher power (mine is God). Our higher power is usually the one in control, not you. Remember when turning it over YOU CAN NOT TAKE IT BACK! Trust that your higher power has some kind of lesson to teach you and knows what he/she is doing. Many times we do not trust fate. Every hardship makes us more knowledgeable and aware of who we really are.

The last step is patience. Remember when I said you can’t take it back? Well sit tight. With every storm, there is usually a rainbow, and the sun will shine again. Taking back control only leads to stormier weather. Focus on the aftermath and rebuilding.

Believe and focus on a positive outcome. Whether it is good or bad there is always something to learn from. Remember every reaction due to control makes the rippling effect just like that of a rock being tossed into water. It is all up to us when it comes to how far it ripples!

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